alone
I must admit that I was afraid of doing everything alone as a single mom. The enormity of it was like a snowcapped mountain. I wondered if the trek upward would be endless. If I got close to the top, perhaps it would be cold and maybe I wouldn't have even been organized enough to have brought a coat.
I was right about the climb and how it felt endless. But the seasons changed and I have a coat I don't even need because it's summer and the snow is gone. There are wild flowers everywhere. I have what could be considered sparse to some people, but there is a tent and supplies. I know how to make a fire all by myself.
It is warm at night with a cat nearby curled up, and faithful blankets cover me. I wake to quiet and nobody stops me from the morning rhythm of my dreams. Water, caffeine, food, and medication are lined up as I start yoga on my living room floor.
It's not perfect, work waits for me and there are challenges. Every other week a child comes out from her room needing fed and affection. I have so much room in my heart and my nervous system for her now. It's easy to give her my time and attention. I'm grateful for every second that I'm in the same room as her.
I stop and realize that I am not truly alone. There are two cats and a kid. There are ancient spirit guides who lead me in their quiet ways and Jesus who has been my friend for over twenty years now.
I must admit, I'm still afraid sometimes, but I see the peak of the mountain finally. There is still a trek ahead, but at least it's downhill from there.
I look up from my desk as I write this and see a drawing. Written across it says, "Best mom ever!" I keep going so I may live up to that statement.