believe
There beneath me are so many words and ideas. I'm filled to the brim with creativity. I'm a physic and an author and a Pisces moon. I'm confident and warm and a Leo sun. I'm clever and cunning and a Scorpio rising.
Yet, when I reach down to scoop it up it's like sand slipping through my fingers. It's buried deep within, underneath the stuff my soul of is made up of. It's Wands energy from the Tarot, and it's hard to find because I'm so tired sometimes. I press my left hand against my chest with my right hand and feel the ache from an old injury. I roll my sore left shoulder from a car accident two years ago. I blink, the headache around my eyes has become a constant because of looking at a screen all day. I lean back in my seat and stretch my tight neck and upper back. I shift my hips too as my left hip twinges with a small sharp pain.
Not constantly, but often enough my chest is heavy with anxiety and the process of a healing broken heart. The only cure for me is time and gentleness with myself and writing out authentic feelings. I am a ghost when I'm alone, haunting my own empty apartment. I come alive again at the sight of my daughter and it feels so good to be with her again that it hurts. In some ways, I'm still mourning the life I thought I would have forever.
The source of my creativity, the Wands form the Tarot, are buried 6 feet under. But I believe resurrection is possible. I believe there is love out there for me in the distance. I believe I can be the mom my daughter needs.
I believe, and that's enough for today.